No Longer A Slave to Fear - An Enneagram 7 story
I've begun to identify with the characteristics of an Enneagram 7 personality; often labeled 'The Enthusiast.' Over the years my operating principle has often been:
The next adventure is always around the corner, if not in my mind.
Too many years of my life have been spent chasing the next greatest rush, the next great adventure. And if the adventure wasn't unfolding fast enough before me, I would enjoy the adventure in the robust imaginary world of my mind.
My Superpower
Consistent with my personality, I have come to realize that I have a superpower that allows me to escape every unpleasant experience by entering into an alternative universe created in the undulations of my grey matter. My superpower can be used for good or evil. For example, as a child when I was forced to attend church for the 3rd or 4th time in a week - my body would obediently sit quietly on the hard pew, while I was off on an adventure working as a medic at a downhill ski resort, carefully transporting injured people off the mountain.As an adult, my superpower has migrated away from the improbable imagination to a much more sensible, yet idealistic reality. My superpower gives me freedom from the necessary mundane and boring events in life like; waiting for the doctor, long drives, and long sermons. When I'm stuck in a situation where I don't control the outcome and boredom begins to set in, I call upon my superpower and I'm caught up in my mind. Here, in the space of imagination, I do more than just create new adventures, I come up with new ideas and synthesize information into cohesive conclusions. The great part of becoming an adult was the ability to put into action what was going on in my head.The dark side of the superpower centers around escapism. My superpower can bury the pain of loss, can shield against the fear of abandonment, and can prevent me from living in the current reality.
Enneagram Journey
So how did I come to identify this superpower and begin a journey into self-discovery? In one word it was because of a book. A couple of years ago I was plumbing the depths of a more sacramental theology and was needing words and handles to be able to explain what was going on in my head. About the same time a podcast I was listening to recommended Ian Morgan Cron's book, Chasing Francis. (I'm guessing some of you were thinking of a different book.) I couldn't put it down. When I was finished I said to my wife, Trudy, "If you want to know what is going on in my head - read this book. It explains everything." I still didn't have the words to describe my journey but I knew there was someone out there that did have the language to help me discover more about why I tend to get stuck in the same ruts.When I looked at other books by Ian Morgan Cron, I found the book, The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery. I had no idea what the Enneagram was at the time. I was about to find out.
The Enthusiast
What happens when an "Enthusiast" turns their energy for exploration on themselves? It took a while for me to identify myself as an Enneagram 7. At first my drive and energy had me thinking I was a 3, "The Performer". My love for beauty and my too often bouts of depression had me thinking that perhaps I was a 4. Perhaps I needed to live into my melancholy a bit more. But the more I listened to the typology podcast, and read up on the numbers of the Enneagram the more I began to identify with 'the Enthusiast'.Like most people exploring their personality in depth, I didn't want to admit I was a seven. Sevens are perceived as shallow with a habit of never finishing anything. Somewhere in my psyche there was a resistance to have my faults identified so clearly. Running parallel to my wrestling with my own personality patterns was an opportunity to revisit some significant and painful events of my childhood growing up as a missionary/pastor's kid. And then I read this in The Road Back to You.
"In their developmental years, Sevens heard the wounding message, "You're on your own. No one's here to support or take care of you." In response Seven's said, "I'll do it if no one else will." But whereas Fives dealt with this same crisis be reducing their need to depend on anyone and Sixes solved it be attempting to anticipate every possible disaster, young Sevens' strategy involved creating a pain-free Neverland in their mind where they could hide out and think happy thoughts until their pain dissolved."- The Road Back to You - Ian Morgan Cron (p. 217)
Nailed it!
Fear vs. Superpower
The Enneagram has taught me about my relationship with fear. As a result, I've come to realize that fear is a significant catalyst in shaping how I perceive the world. Therefore, my response to the fear of abandonment is to escape those feelings and go into a place where I'm able to control the outcome. And as an adult that escapism often leads to a wanting to escape whatever current reality is unpleasant and running toward another idea that, at least on the surface, looks like a more favorable situation. The good news is that once you identify your default response, you can choose to transcend your personality and respond in a healthier way. I can choose to set my belonging in my adoption into my heavenly Father's family. Life is still an adventure waiting to happen each and every day - but it doesn't carry with it the same fear which motivates the imagination.
The Soundtrack of the Adventure
Music has a way to break through my escapism and allow me to enter into the pain and wrestling of life without needing to run away into a preferred future. One popular worship song speaks to clearly to my own way of dealing with life."No Longer Slaves" - by Brian Johnson, Joel Case, Jonathan David Helser speaks to me in a way that is perhaps unique to my experience and my personality. (Lyrics are posted below.)
I'm no longer a slave to the fear of loneliness.I'm no longer a slave to the fear of abandoned.I'm no longer a slave to the fear of boredom.I'm no longer a slave to the fear of insignificance
No Longer Slaves
Verse 1You unravel me with a melodyYou surround me with a songOf deliverance from my enemiesTill all my fears are goneChorusI'm no longer a slave to fearI am a child of GodI'm no longer a slave to fearI am a child of GodVerse 2From my Mother's wombYou have chosen meLove has called my nameI've been born again into Your familyYour blood flows through my veinsBridgeYou split the sea so I could walk right through itMy fears were drowned in perfect loveYou rescued me so I could stand and singI am a child of GodBrian Johnson | Joel Case | Jonathan David Helser© 2014 Bethel Music Publishing