Silence is ...

This site has been silent for over a year now. Why the silence? The usual excuses are suspect:

• Pursuing other interests
• Too tired from work to do much else
• Nothing to say

Truth is: all of them are valid to a certain degree. I'm devoting more of my discretionary time to exercise and outdoor pursuits. Ministry work tends to bleed over the boundaries, leaving me fulfilled but exhausted. Yet, most importantly, I've been in a season of rediscovering my voice. Twenty-nineteen brought with it major milestones and some challenging changes.

Milestones

In the milestone category, Trudy and I celebrated 25 years of marriage. You would have thought I would have dedicated an entire post just to that milestone; however, during that particular time, I was swamped with work challenges and found it enough to just get out of bed. Thankfully, we had celebrated the milestone earlier in the summer with a trip to England.

Changes

The changes category held a few more events: diagnosed with significant hearing loss in left ear and moderate hearing loss in the right, left the church we had been attending for the past 10 years, took on the role of Interim Dean of Student Services at work. Returning to Student Services as Dean, if even in a temporary role, meant relearning processes and policies, while leading a very capable team in doing the work. After being a part of the EMMC for nearly 20 years, our decision to leave was difficult.

Hearing Loss

After spending 6 months of doctors appointments, audiology exams, MRI, I was diagnosed with asymmetrical hearing loss. The good news was that there was no growth (tumor) causing the hearing loss. I was told that I was a good candidate for hearing aids. In February I started with my trial set of hearing aids. Toward the end of April I received my first set of hearing aids complete with modes to help me hear music better, listen within a noisy room, and a handy TV mode that allows me to adjust the level of the TV in my ears. (I think Trudy was most excited about this last feature.) By far this change has tipped the scales in terms of impact. Daily, I'm confronted with the reality of a measure of silence.

In the morning, with the hearing aids on the dresser, as I'm lying on my right side, the world is still. I don't hear the furnace fan blowing, the shower going, or the gentle ticking of the clock. With my right ear stuffed in a pillow, the world may as well be asleep. That kind of silence can be beautiful, but it is not without sound. When your ear can't hear, your brain often fills the silence with its own noise. The technical name is Tinnitus, I call it confusion.

Silence

Your sense of hearing doesn't turn off; even in your sleep your ears are listening, helping you stay safe. When your ears don't work the way you have come to expect throughout your life, the silence is not the absence of sound, it is the inability to understand the world around you. Silence is sitting down to a meal with your family and missing the crucial highlights of the day. Silence is not being able to tell the direction from which the sound is coming from. Silence is not wanting to be in public spaces because of the unintelligible noise which makes any conversation almost impossible. Silence is not being able to enjoy the kaleidoscope of sound that music provides. Being a musician, my hearing loss has made my craft twice as difficult and half as enjoyable. The result has forced a re-evaluation of my gifts and ability to contribute to life and faith.

New Voice

This year I'm finding a new voice.

I've rekindled my love of biblical storytelling and 2020 is shaping up to see me take some leaps and bounds in being able to focus more intentionally on providing this worship craft for churches. My intention is that this space will become a home for some of my musings regarding interpretation and aspects of biblical storytelling.